Please sir, can I have some more?

4 days down. 26 to go. At this early stage I'm not sure if counting down is helpful or not, but it seems to be how everyone around me thinks so I'll go with it.

The treatment in itself is fine. I don't feel anything and it's amazingly quick. All this hassle to get there, wait to be called in, put on a gown, 30 seconds later take the gown off and climb onto the table, some calling of numbers and writing on me, measuring sometimes and moving me and the table around. Then they're gone - the staff leave the room and it's just me and the machine. I lie there focussing on staying still, which of cause makes it harder to stay still! Then the buzzing starts up, and the machine - called a linear accelerator, how sci fi is that? - is doing its thing. I'm sure it's less than a minute later that it stops and the staff come back in, adjust things, move the machine to my other side and leave again. This time it's also only a small number of seconds - maybe I should count them? - before it's over again. Then back to the changing room to put on moisturiser (part of the routine of treatment), get dressed and go catch a train to work.

The effects are not supposed to be noticeable yet but I like to be different. They are not severe yet, but I know when things are different in myself and my body is definitely not itself. One change that can't be missed is the swollen and painful breast. The loss of 8 lymph nodes has clearly had an impact on drainage, and this is particularly painful around the bruised and still not quite healed wound. I am already unable to wear even the post-surgery bra comfortably, so I'm in a tank top under comfortable (loose) casual clothes, even for work. The doctor saw me yesterday - it was supposed to be Thursday but things seem to change all the time - and said that I can help it drain by massaging it towards my sternum as there is a line of lymph nodes there too. I am giving that a go but she said it would take a few days to make a noticeable difference.

Otherwise it feels a bit like being pregnant. Periods where I really slump and feel very tired, and a general feeling of being "not quite right". Also vagueness, just like baby brain. I am also hungrier. I have a reputation at work for eating a lot. I'm not sure that it's deserved - I graze so I do eat more often, but it's small quantities. Nevertheless my colleagues laughed when I told them that the nurse had told me that I'd need to eat more during treatment as I would lose weight easily due to the huge amount of regeneration that my body would undergo (which is not so good for me as I don't have a lot to lose). I have discovered in the last couple of days though that eating more - especially eating more often, and fruit is one of the better foods - really helps. I feel less "off" which I think is resulting from low blood sugar, I feel less tired, and my brain feels more normal. So now I can truly be teased for eating all the time! And for the record, I'm about half a kg lighter than when I started treatment, so I must be needing the extra calories.