So there I was so proud of not having much pain, and now I'm starting to feel it. My breast is totally yellow and brown, with areas of deep purple. The whole breast is bruised and I am starting to feel it. I think my movement on that side has actually decreased. It is just possible that DH was right when he told me I was overdoing the exercises and doing things around the house. Mind you, I'm still a bit shocked about reading that the aim is for the movement in my left arm to be back to 75% a month after surgery. It seems like I should be doing much better than that. Perhaps that is my problem - I still believe I'm invincible.
Well it's back to work tomorrow, just for half a day to see how I go. I guess I'll find out how I go soon enough.
Sunday 17 July 2011
Friday 15 July 2011
Well it's out
Hopefully. The pathology isn't back yet, but I've had the surgery and hopefully all the nasty cancer has been banished. I will still have to have radiation therapy and maybe chemo but this is a great start, right?
I have recovered really well from the surgery. I'm not back to normal but the pain hasn't been bad and I'm out and about a bit. I felt fantastic in hospital after I properly woke up from the drugs. Even the nurses seemed a bit surprised that I was so well!! Well I guess I need to be well, I've got some arse to kick!!
I'm not up to a lot of typing just yet, so this will do for now.
I have recovered really well from the surgery. I'm not back to normal but the pain hasn't been bad and I'm out and about a bit. I felt fantastic in hospital after I properly woke up from the drugs. Even the nurses seemed a bit surprised that I was so well!! Well I guess I need to be well, I've got some arse to kick!!
I'm not up to a lot of typing just yet, so this will do for now.
Wednesday 13 July 2011
Op Day
I have mostly been awake since 3am. I expected that I would need to wake up early to go to the toilet - knowing that I can't have anything including water from midnight I drank a fair bit of water before bed. Then it was hard going back to sleep - I kind of expected that too. We also had the 6yo in the bed with us all night. It's the second time in 3 days, I think it's his way of dealing with the anxiety he is feeling from my going to hospital. He even shared his green apple with me last night - usually he and DH have 2 quarters each but last night he wanted to share with me.
Still though, I feel strangely calm. Yesterday I was so busy all day at work - 10 hours I was there including an hour Personal Training session at lunchtime - so I didn't have much time to think. I was a bit nervous last night and probably will be again when it's time to leave in half an hour, but right now I am in practical mode - making sure DH has all the lists he needs, a final email to work with one thing I forgot to finish off making kids lunches for school and kindy and making sure I have everything packed. I think practical mode is good, it keeps me calm.
So, wish me luck!!
Still though, I feel strangely calm. Yesterday I was so busy all day at work - 10 hours I was there including an hour Personal Training session at lunchtime - so I didn't have much time to think. I was a bit nervous last night and probably will be again when it's time to leave in half an hour, but right now I am in practical mode - making sure DH has all the lists he needs, a final email to work with one thing I forgot to finish off making kids lunches for school and kindy and making sure I have everything packed. I think practical mode is good, it keeps me calm.
So, wish me luck!!
Tuesday 12 July 2011
Yeah, yeah, I know you have breast cancer
Today I am a big ball of nervous energy. Kind of like a big tennis ball sized ball of rubber bands we once had. Lots of potential energy and nowhere constructive for it to go. At least my mind has slowed down. The last few mornings I have woken up with my mind racing - literally going so fast I wondered if this was what it felt like to be on speed. Imagine a sushi train with a booster engine, speeding around the track and you barely have time to pick the thoughts off before they are gone again.
It hit me a bit last night. I have my last day of work before the surgery coming up today so it's feeling a bit real. Most people who need to know (and some at work who don't) know now, but we keep coming up with more people we should tell that I had forgotten about. I am totally touched by all the support and offers of help we've received. If there is ever a good side to bad news it is the way it brings out the best in everyone.
My 6yo is going to keep me honest. No self-pity for me. On the weekend I played footy in the park with the boys and then explained to them that I might not be up to footy in the park again for a few weeks. DS1 says "Yeah, yeah, I know. You have breast cancer." with that kind of "roll your eyes" tone. Gotta love him!
It hit me a bit last night. I have my last day of work before the surgery coming up today so it's feeling a bit real. Most people who need to know (and some at work who don't) know now, but we keep coming up with more people we should tell that I had forgotten about. I am totally touched by all the support and offers of help we've received. If there is ever a good side to bad news it is the way it brings out the best in everyone.
My 6yo is going to keep me honest. No self-pity for me. On the weekend I played footy in the park with the boys and then explained to them that I might not be up to footy in the park again for a few weeks. DS1 says "Yeah, yeah, I know. You have breast cancer." with that kind of "roll your eyes" tone. Gotta love him!
Saturday 9 July 2011
So now I know
Well, after an agonising time waiting in the waiting room for an hour after my surgeon was delayed in surgery, DH and I finally got called in. He didn't really beat around the bush - he handed me a copy of the pathology report and said, "well, it's a cancer". I guess there's really no easy way to say it - like there is no easy way to hear it. He confirmed that it's good that it was found early, and that I have an excellent prognosis. He used a few technical terms and wrote them down (and as DH said that means I can go for my life on Google now - I do like to research things to death). He also gave me a thick book all about Early Breast Cancer - which kind of covers most things I want to know but not in enough detail.
So, next week I have surgery to remove the lump and hopefully just one lymph node from under my arm. I have to have a guide wire put in first so he can locate it - I've had this before, it leaves a wire sticking out of your chest which is a bit off-putting, but I don't remember the insertion being too bad. Then I stay overnight and hopefully go home with good news once the pathology comes back. I'm aiming to be back at work the following Monday but who knows. And then 6 - 8 weeks of radiation therapy. Hmm, I wonder if I will get used to the idea of that before it starts. I can't say the idea thrills me too much right now, but apparently my other options are mastectomy or a 30 - 40% chance of the cancer coming back so that makes the radiation sound somewhat more appealing.
So, next week I have surgery to remove the lump and hopefully just one lymph node from under my arm. I have to have a guide wire put in first so he can locate it - I've had this before, it leaves a wire sticking out of your chest which is a bit off-putting, but I don't remember the insertion being too bad. Then I stay overnight and hopefully go home with good news once the pathology comes back. I'm aiming to be back at work the following Monday but who knows. And then 6 - 8 weeks of radiation therapy. Hmm, I wonder if I will get used to the idea of that before it starts. I can't say the idea thrills me too much right now, but apparently my other options are mastectomy or a 30 - 40% chance of the cancer coming back so that makes the radiation sound somewhat more appealing.
Friday 8 July 2011
A curve ball
Yesterday feels a little surreal. I had my specialist call me with test results and I'm not sure I'll ever forget his words - "Not good, frankly". So I will know more details today but basically I already know that I have breast cancer. At age 41, with two young boys. I also know that it's small and they caught it early, so I am glad about that. But scared too, and shaken and well, a little freaked out.
There are lots of thoughts running through my head - I am the family breadwinner and I never did quite get the income protection insurance sorted out, I'll never be able to get the insurance now, nor change my life insurance or anything, how will my mum react who has had breast cancer, or my dad who currently has prostate cancer, or my sisters. My sisters that I don't see nearly enough of and who I might just get to spend Christmas with this year. But of all the thoughts, the worst is of how do I tell the boys. My anxious 6 year old, and my cuddly 4 1/2 year old who needs me. They both need me. And I know this is probably caught early enough that I will get through this, but it kind of changes things doesn't it? I mean once you've had it - you know, things aren't the same again.
Anyway, I guess now it's a waiting game. I will know more this morning. And amazingly I slept well last night. When I woke up it hit me like a freight train to my chest, but at least I got a good night's sleep in first.
Stay tuned
There are lots of thoughts running through my head - I am the family breadwinner and I never did quite get the income protection insurance sorted out, I'll never be able to get the insurance now, nor change my life insurance or anything, how will my mum react who has had breast cancer, or my dad who currently has prostate cancer, or my sisters. My sisters that I don't see nearly enough of and who I might just get to spend Christmas with this year. But of all the thoughts, the worst is of how do I tell the boys. My anxious 6 year old, and my cuddly 4 1/2 year old who needs me. They both need me. And I know this is probably caught early enough that I will get through this, but it kind of changes things doesn't it? I mean once you've had it - you know, things aren't the same again.
Anyway, I guess now it's a waiting game. I will know more this morning. And amazingly I slept well last night. When I woke up it hit me like a freight train to my chest, but at least I got a good night's sleep in first.
Stay tuned
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)