Yesterday feels a little surreal. I had my specialist call me with test results and I'm not sure I'll ever forget his words - "Not good, frankly". So I will know more details today but basically I already know that I have breast cancer. At age 41, with two young boys. I also know that it's small and they caught it early, so I am glad about that. But scared too, and shaken and well, a little freaked out.
There are lots of thoughts running through my head - I am the family breadwinner and I never did quite get the income protection insurance sorted out, I'll never be able to get the insurance now, nor change my life insurance or anything, how will my mum react who has had breast cancer, or my dad who currently has prostate cancer, or my sisters. My sisters that I don't see nearly enough of and who I might just get to spend Christmas with this year. But of all the thoughts, the worst is of how do I tell the boys. My anxious 6 year old, and my cuddly 4 1/2 year old who needs me. They both need me. And I know this is probably caught early enough that I will get through this, but it kind of changes things doesn't it? I mean once you've had it - you know, things aren't the same again.
Anyway, I guess now it's a waiting game. I will know more this morning. And amazingly I slept well last night. When I woke up it hit me like a freight train to my chest, but at least I got a good night's sleep in first.
Stay tuned
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